A non pilot buddy sent me this. It may have made the rounds many times but it's still amusing.


Pilots are people who drive airplanes for other people who can't fly.
Passengers are people who say they fly, but really just ride.

Fighter Pilots are steely eyed, weapons systems managers who kill bad people and break things. However, they can also be very charming and personable. The average fighter pilot, despite sometimes having a swaggering exterior, is very much capable of such feelings as love, affection, intimacy and caring. (However, these feelings don't involve anyone else .)

Flying is a hard way to earn an easy living.

Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society. The optimist invents the airplane; the pessimist, the parachute.

Death is just nature's way of telling you to watch your airspeed.

As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you (and one of them will):
a. One day you will walk out to the aircraft, knowing it is your last flight.
b. One day you will walk out to the aircraft, not knowing it is your last flight.

There are rules and there are laws:
The rules are made by men who think that they know how to fly your airplane better than you.
The laws (of physics) were ordained by God.
You can and sometimes should suspend the rules, but you can never suspend the laws.

About Rules:
a. The rules are a good place to hide if you don't have a better idea and the talent to execute it.
b. If you deviate from a rule, it must be a flawless performance (e.g., if you fly under a bridge, don't hit the bridge - been there:done that.)

Before each flight, make sure that your bladder is empty and your fuel tanks are full.

He who demands everything that his aircraft can give him is a pilot; he who demands one iota more is a fool.

There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at night and over the ocean. Most of them are scary.

The aircraft limits are only there if there must be another flight by that particular aircraft. If subsequent flights do not appear likely, there are no limits.

"If the Wright brothers were alive today, Wilbur would have to fire Orville to reduce costs." (President, DELTA Airlines.)

In the Alaskan bush, I'd rather have a two-hour bladder and three hours of gas than vice versa.

An old pilot is one who can remember when flying was dangerous and sex was safe.

Airlines have really changed; now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.

I've flown in both pilot seats. Can someone tell me why the other one is always occupied by an idiot?

And my favorite;

You have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. You can't do both

Very good! This forum software needs a thumbs up plugin.