You said you've used the Relief Band with some success--try turning it up a notch if you start feeling a little queasy. That's what works for my SO, who can hardly look at a boat without getting seasick otherwise. On one particularly rough segment of a charter, I saw her turning it up from its normal low adjustment, asked her how she was doing, and she said, "Great! This is fun!" just as a huge wave came over the bow and whacked the windshield of the Nordic Tug. "Still OK?" "Yup, GREAT!"
I second the idea of definitely looking outside vs. inside. Your wife may be a real looker, but don't look at her while she's doing the flying--look only outside, and out the windshield, not the side windows.
I also have a fear of heights, but I've only had 2 bouts with motion sickness in my entire flying life, and neither boating nor riding in cars bothers me in the slightest. The first queasy was when I was working on my commercial doing 8s on pylons, as my instructor had me gradually use closer and closer pylons until it was necessary to go from a hard bank left to a hard bank right without any level transition. The second was when I took aerobatic lessons, after a series of loops, rolls, and half a dozen spins. Neither time did I get sick sick, just a little green, and it went away as soon as I'd been straight and level for a short time.
One of my early students was palmed off on me, because his first instructor got fed up with how quickly the student would get sick, as little as 10 minutes. We worked on it by doing tougher and tougher things, stretching the lessons gradually from 10-15 minutes to the more traditional hour. One of the things I did after several lessons was to take all the sick sacks out of the airplane, and I told him that if he got sick, he had to clean the airplane. Right after that was his first hood lesson, and within seconds under the hood, he suddenly threw off the hood and slid back his seat, intending to barf on the floor. I hollered at him, "NO, YOU'RE NOT GOING TO GET SICK--PERIOD!" Surprisingly, he didn't, and that was the last time he got queasy. As I've learned, a goodly amount of motion sickness isn't really motion sickness at all, but psychological--fear, something different, whatever.
An aside: he ended up being a pretty good stick and rudder pilot, and he had the most phenomenal ability to read a chart and determine his location.
Cary