I always laughed at the "Little John" and the "Lady J" in the Sporty's catalog...until yesterday. Coming back over the Sierras from CA I was at 10,500 and had to go pretty bad. Listened to Sacramento Mather's ATIS and they were reporting 34 celsius. At that temp it would have taken me an hour if not more to climb back up to 10,500 so I decided to hold it. My kidneys were already aching by this time, after a little light to moderate turbulence over the mtns, I was ready to piss my pants. My judgement was clouding. All we had in the cabin were these ridiculous little 10 oz mini water bottles like the ones they give you on the airline. I was going to have to pull a Dumb and Dumber maneuver. So, I tried. But the contortions meant that Erin had to fly the plane during the operation, and she has very little yoke time. I slid the seat all the way back, which must have sent the CG a little aft, cuz I looked up to see a dwindling airspeed and 600 fpm climb. After a few wild pitch oscillations, I decided not to test my mid-stream one handed stall recovery skills, and held it to Reno.

So, is this something you guys totally avoid, or should I look into some space shuttle "milker" technology?

This reminds me of a similar story from Ed Blevins, who I haven't seen around here in a long time. Where'd ya go Ed?

http://www.backcountrypilot.org/forum/viewtopic.php?p=612#612

Zane,

You can buy the same thing that Sporty's sells at checker auto for a lot less.

The little throw up bags and urinals always seem to be about 2 ounces shy of adequate.

Throw in two or three of the one gallon size Zip Lock bags and you'll be able to handle just about any emergency from leaking oil bottles, barfing, pissing you name it, and they take up very little room.

Sprcbbr,

that is a great idea. i am thinking the ones with the real zipper closure. could pre-fill one with a little kitty litter before hand for a good toxic containment unit.

I have a Little John with the Lady J for MLB but they don't hold a candle to this:

http://www.bofunk.com/video/685/oops_i_crapped_my_pants.html

That is a classic!!

Lots of pipeline patrol pilots want to go all day on those aux tanks. They carry Ziploc bags. Not me man. I landed every two hours to take a leak and get more coffee.

Gatorade bottles. Just buy grape flavored to avoid confusion
Just empty them out or throw them away at the next pit stop. And not just for me...passengers are often the range limiting factor.

Another classic thread....

viewtopic.php?f=1&t=3353&hilit=comanche+260

Gump

If only I could tell the story the way my buddy that lived through it does.. It was the early 60s and my buddy who was flying for the fish and game dept up here was hanging out at the mechanics hangar. He sees a funnel hose and valve contration hangin on the wall and asks the mechanic what it was all about. The mechanic goes on to explain its a "pilot relief tube". The thing is plumbed into the plane and when ever needed pilot simply unzips, opens the valves and pisses into the funnel and the slip stream sucks it right out. Well he thought this was the coolest shit ever so he taxied his personal Champ over there and had the guy install it in the plane. It was a few months later that he was out flying around the Matsu valley that he found himself having to piss real bad. At first he started looking for a sand bar to set down on then he suddenly remembered that he had this awsome "pilot relief tube" installed.... The setting was a blue bird day, low and slow in the champ following the rivers and swamps.. Well he starts to wrestle around trying to get himself out of his pants, hold the tube, hold his junk and try to fly the plane with his knees on the stick... trying to fly with his knees together further compounded the almost impossible feat of getting himself out of his pants and aimed at the damn funnel. He soon figured that just a quick unzip was not going to work so he loosened up the lap belt and proceeded to wingle his pants down around his thighs trying to get better access to the funnel. It was about this time that he suddenly rememberd that he was flying the plane solo and no one else had been at the controls for quite some time as he was wrestling with his pants, the stick and his dick... He looked up just barely in time to see two large spruce trees sticking out of the swamp. He tried to pull the stick back to climb over, but with his pants around his thighs he could not get enough movement on the stick. He shoved the stick over as far as he could and stommped the rudder and barely got it up enough knife edge to fit between the trees... As soon as he quit shaking, the only thing he could think of was what the search and rescue guys would think when they found him buried up to the cockpit in the swamp with is pants down and his dick in his hands. Suddenly, he did not have to pee quite as bad and he made a beeline back for Merril field where he promptly ripped the "pilot relief tube" out of the plane and told the mechanic just what he could do with the damn thing.

When this story is told by him over a few beers, you will piss yourself laughing as this guy can tell stories like no one else I have ever heard! Just something to think about when you trying to fly and piss at the same time....

Virtually the same thing happened to me. I was flying a 172 solo from San Luis Obispo to Seattle. While over Redding I had to go BAD. All I had with me was a small narrow-necked water bottle. So with knees on the yoke, I did my business, but the bottle wasn't big enough. Had to pour it out the window and go for a second round. It was sunny, but it rained that day over Redding

Supercubber wrote:Zane,

You can buy the same thing that Sporty's sells at checker auto for a lot less.

The little throw up bags and urinals always seem to be about 2 ounces shy of adequate.

Throw in two or three of the one gallon size Zip Lock bags and you'll be able to handle just about any emergency from leaking oil bottles, barfing, pissing you name it, and they take up very little room.

Another plus is that they don't dissolve with gasoline so you can transfer fuel in a pinch. I keep a couple in my emergency kit.

As mentioned above. Gatorade bottles are perfect, used them many times, Big wide mouth... Not bragging or anything... I wish! But it's easy to hit the target. Why spend money on stuff that you can improvise easily.

I also endorse the Gatorade bottle. I always make sure to get one for longer flights. Occasionally have run into a situation where you have to go real bad but the Gatorade is still full. It's pretty much torture having to pound the full-size Gatorade just to refill it.

I had the little red Sportys device it was okay, I would always lose it and find it later....never cleaned it really, so it got pretty nasty.

Gatorade bottles get thrown out at the next stop....

Ditto Gatorade, Or the large Vitamin Waterr bottles.

I typically use these as water bottles. That way when you break, loose, or find yourself pissing in them it is no loss whatsoever.

Buy new Gatorade, repeat.

byeBill

I almost relieved myself reading this thread. Flying solo, I have a good routine. Never had the brass to do it with a passenger, even though I needed too. I did however manage to deadpan long enough to get a horrified reaction out of a friend once when I asked him to hold an empty bottle while I started unzipping. He did the wtf? and I gave him a stern-- "you're either going to have to hold the bottle or fly the plane because obviously I can't do both."

Hey, aren't we Backcountry Off Airport tough guys? I just pick out a good spot or a dirt road, land, pee, get back in and take off.

SkySteve wrote:Hey, aren't we Backcountry Off Airport tough guys? I just pick out a good spot or a dirt road, land, pee, get back in and take off.

X2 - Besides, about 20% of the time I wind up pissing on my hand or not completely draining the hose before putting it away. I carry a bottle, but only use it as a last resort and if I'm wearing dark pants.

Gatoraid bottles A+++ Nice thick plastic, wide enough opening for most hominid anatomy. If your slightly diabetic it tastes about the same if you drink it again.

We used to have those pilot relief tubes in the Navy aircraft. The bad part, if your wearing a torso harness, while you can unzip the lower part of the flight suit and fish the lizard out, the giant stiff straps in the crotch want to do French justice to your willy. Besides, I spent a lot of time in multi crew aircraft, with half out flight crews female. It was somewhat rude, besides potentially harmful, to whip it out in front of the opposite sex. So we had some tubes in the back of the C2. Now one of our rough and ready female pilots, Johnny (who looked like a female David Bowie, down to the haircut), would go back the and do her business behind the acoustic curtain on the cargo ramp. We would have all kinds of mechanical engineering discussions on how the funnel would work with her configuration.

Well, it turns out , she would have to take her flight suit completely down to around her legs, along with underwear etc. Then try to spread her legs and jam it in the receiving position. All while braced against the side bulkhead on a sloping icy cargo ramp. So there she is, 32,000' over Northern Greece trying to do God's work when we hit turbulence over the mountains. She lost it and slid out on the ramp, under the curtain on her ass, spread legs in the air. Proving to the 26 rearward facing passengers and crew that, she was indeed a natural blond.

Pace Picante Sauce bottles work great! I Don't fly without something to piss in? Some places, dirt roads and airstrips are few and far between!

dogpilot wrote:Gatoraid bottles A+++ Nice thick plastic, wide enough opening for most hominid anatomy. If your slightly diabetic it tastes about the same if you drink it again.

We used to have those pilot relief tubes in the Navy aircraft. The bad part, if your wearing a torso harness, while you can unzip the lower part of the flight suit and fish the lizard out, the giant stiff straps in the crotch want to do French justice to your willy. Besides, I spent a lot of time in multi crew aircraft, with half out flight crews female. It was somewhat rude, besides potentially harmful, to whip it out in front of the opposite sex. So we had some tubes in the back of the C2. Now one of our rough and ready female pilots, Johnny (who looked like a female David Bowie, down to the haircut), would go back the and do her business behind the acoustic curtain on the cargo ramp. We would have all kinds of mechanical engineering discussions on how the funnel would work with her configuration.

Well, it turns out , she would have to take her flight suit completely down to around her legs, along with underwear etc. Then try to spread her legs and jam it in the receiving position. All while braced against the side bulkhead on a sloping icy cargo ramp. So there she is, 32,000' over Northern Greece trying to do God's work when we hit turbulence over the mountains. She lost it and slid out on the ramp, under the curtain on her ass, spread legs in the air. Proving to the 26 rearward facing passengers and crew that, she was indeed a natural blond.

That's just funny! Well told.